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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| i started this website in.. middle school. as most of my peers did. well, that's why i started it. but as such, the fad has died a very long time ago, in the time continuum scale of a teenager/adult (i'm 18 now). so i'm not really expecting anyone to read this. but i kind of am. or else i wouldn't write it. after all, i can't do anything that resembles communicating to nothing. i can't even leave messages on phones. it's like talking to a stranger, but one that you will never meet. i don't know who will read this. will hitting the "save changes" button alert subscribers (of which there are few) through email? of those few there are even fewer who would actually bother to sit through my ramblings. oh well. i think it's interesting. and i need something to do for now. i can't go on facebook because i can't stand it. in fact, i took the facebook bookmark (the facebookmark?) out of my safari browser, hoping that my laziness will overpower the need to type the hyperlink manually, as the temptation would demand. it is tempting, to go and, well, look at other people? what do you do on that thing? look at yourself a lot? oh well. i came here because i felt like sharing my mind. you can't do that elsewhere. and the fact that hardly anyone will see this makes it easier. i briefly thought about starting a journal but then i realized that i would take advantage of the secrecy too much, and divulge in topics that anger me, and after a while i would be eaten away by said topics. some of these things are the reasons why i can't spend any time on facebook. so it's near the 3/4 point of the summer or something. i'm almost completely nocturnal. i went to sleep yesterday at 8am and woke up thinking it was 5pm. i thought to myself, what a waste of a day. but i realized i was in a dream state and that it wasn't really 5pm. i checked my cellular. 2pm. good. not as much waste. i went back to sleep and woke up at 4pm. went downstairs and greeted mi mama a happy birthday. i wanted to tell her her age and then say that it doesn't matter because she is very young in spirit. i forgot about everything and didn't say anything besides the happy birthday part and then i hugged her. patrick came in and made it a group hug and put me in a vice grip with his bony arms. she said "i love my sons" and told me geo called. i was asleep and thus missed it. that's okay. i replied to one of his emails. my reply consisted of the correction of a single grammar mistake he made in the initial email. i hope he finds it funny, as opposed to feeling disgrace at his craft. unless the grammar mistake was intentional with layered meaning. doubt it. so i stayed home yesterday on account that it was my mom's birthday. i had been out every day for a while and hadn't seen my mom in a while so i owed it to her. we went to redondo for some seafood and it was good even though the raw oysters were so fucking intrusively huge that i felt like i was eating a human organ. good stuff. i got calamari of course. and then i abandoned my family more or less and took a stroll along the jetties. found a place that offered whale watching and i thought to myself that would be fun to do. i would at one point in the future inquire about such a hobby; it would be a fun thing to do, says the marine biologist (or cancer, water sign) in me. it's still relatively early in the night and this blog entry is testament to the fact that i'm bored like it's way later. geo was inspiration for me to write, i just finished reading his blog and i remembered how much i also like to share my thoughts. and since there is no one to talk to (or the right person to talk to) i will talk to... ummm, whoever reads this. probably just me. i think i'll reread this thing when i'm done with it. but for now i feel like writing some more. the size of this is becoming impressive but not nearly gargantuan yet. kyle recommended i view a youtube movie called Italian Spiderman, which i did two days ago at 4 or 5 in the morning. it's funny, but not terribly funny. i am a fan though. i almost bought an Italian Spiderman t-shirt. i have no money though. i owe matt some money. i spent way too much. i blame omid. i had received over 500 bones in cash for my birthday and graduation and now it's all gone. i bought some things i, well, wouldn't say i wish i hadn't, because it's already happened, but, would rather still have the money. that sentence has so many commas. i don't even dare to look back and see if it makes any sense. i don't care. i'm trying to refrain from using the second person in this entry. i don't know if i already broke that rule. the reason for which being i don't think very many people will read this, and i don't want it to become personal. no, that's not it. i just don't want another character. this is a monologue. a clumsily written one. not meant to be performed on stage. i was thinking about going back and putting spaces between paragraphs but i don't want to go back and siege the (lack of) flow. how much of what i say makes sense
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| wow! that's a big number! | | |
| Smog the air till it fries your hair
Fill the sea with stagnant pee
Infect your blood with all types of crud
Eat your friends like candy ends
Stop caring and start daring
Destroy your craft with your shaft
Use a gun to have some fun Eat french fries as they fill your thighs Light a tree and scream "yippee!" Give God a push, canonize Bush Lose your humanity and embrace the insanity | | |
| i always fall into these but i never really know why. well, thats not true. just a load of insecurities. usually unwarranted. i hope so. always the case. but what if this time it isn't? well then, that's just my bad luck. as if i had too much. but, you never know. entirely my fault? no, i should think not. after all, im not the universal force. im but a cog in the cosmos. i have little control. over my own life? think not again. i didnt, as far as i know, choose to be born here or to this situation but i am and grateful at it too. but it's strange when you think about it. im not sure how things come into being. and why humans are born with the insecurities. is it natural or is it a social influence? probably both. all those michael moore documentaries are explaining to me why i dont like this country. but for some reason the pride still wells up. maybe it is because now i can make fun of it, without sounding snooty. yeah, i think so. and im not tied to the land. thats the one thing about the country. free to move. woke up at seven this morning. early for me. tried to go back to sleep but couldnt. taco scents eminating from wastebasket. products of a jam. needing lessons, feeling ashamed. insecurities? yes. trying to find a niche. wondering, i am. i dont know about what quite yet but its there. some type of haunting thought lodged into the back of my skull where there is no flashlight to draw discovery upon. grateful? hm. well, i don't know much else. i want nature. i want to live like i am supposed to. the ties are there but they are thin. like a thread of a spider web. but spiders can rebuild those threads into ropes. stronger than steel. maybe i have a chance. would i have a chance? maybe. we'll see. more fortunate than others. even though im a slave. slave to the system. slaves we are. slave, you are. slave to the screen you worship for your everyday needs, lack of independence. life without it? bearable. inconvenient, but convenience is the fault. that's what caused nature to go away. and i dont think its coming back, not in front of my eyes. I don't know. I need to recede. it all ties together. simpler times. it's all in the wild. thoughts of happiness with simplicity. it all ties with nature, i'm sure. i need to get out of here. but the human isn't bad, no i shouldn't think so. well, you have your good eggs and your bad ones. but still, cities are beautiful and i have not yet ventured. and there is such simplicity and admiration for nature elsewhere. it's just a foreign thought. exit impulses. i need to go. i need to live the way i should. | | |
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